💡Microsoft CEO Says What Separates Successful People From Others Comes Down to 2 Words 💡

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Satya Nadella was appointed as Microsoft CEO in 2014, he wasn't one to boast about IQ points or intellectual achievements. He understood that being an effective leader wasn't just about knowing all the answers; it was about knowing yourself and building meaningful connections with others.

To be effective and separate oneself from the pack, Nadella pared it down to two words: 

Emotional intelligence.  (EQ)

So, what does it mean to have emotional intelligence? Much has been written about this idea. However, no one ever asked what it means to have emotional intelligence until 1995, when psychologist, Daniel Goleman, wrote his landmark book, Emotional Intelligence.

In this post, I won’t try to summarize or overly simplify all the EQ principles. Instead, I'll share five things that you can do today to become more emotionally intelligent and become happier and more successful in your interactions with others.

5 Components of Emotional Intelligence

When you Google the phrase or pick up the book, you can learn far more about these components. I include them here only as the reference point for the practical suggestions that follow. The five components of emotional intelligence as outlined by Goleman are:

•     Self-Awareness
•     Self-Regulation
•     Motivation
•     Empathy
•     Social Skills

An Observation

While each of these are important to the overall concept of emotional intelligence, if you ask most people to talk about what this idea means, they will most frequently talk about the last two components – the outward focusing components. While empathy and social skills are the outward manifestation of emotional intelligence, trying to focus solely on those two is like putting a Band-Aid on a broken arm – you haven’t treated the root cause of any problems that might exist.

Increasing Your Emotional Intelligence

Given that observation, perhaps not surprisingly, my five suggestions focus on the first three components.

1. Slow down. When interacting with others, slow down so that you can respond rather than react. Think of it as installing a tiny speed bump between your brain and your mouth; most of us could use one, especially before hitting “send.” 

 If you want to get better at anything, you must recognize where you are and then consciously work on changing your approach. This certainly applies to emotional intelligence. Recognizing the power of this approach then choosing to do it can immediately improve results.  If you have ever instantly reacted to someone’s comment or action, you know that doesn’t always go so well.

2. Self-reflect. If you want to get better at anything, being willing to learn from your past actions. This requires that we reflect. When we look back at what we did and how it went, we will learn something. When we recognize our role in those results, we may become more self-aware and better able to adjust our behavior in a similar situation the next time. The good news: reflection is free. The bad news: it occasionally tells the truth.

3. Question yourself. Effective reflection includes asking yourself (and then answering) questions like:

•     What worked?
•     What didn’t work?
•     What did I do to create the results?
•     What could I have done differently to create a better result?
•     What could I have done to be more interpersonally effective?

Notice that these reflective questions focus on us and our role in a situation. Until we are ready to take responsibility and understand our accountability for our results, we can’t become as emotionally intelligent as we might wish to be.

4. Manage your stress level. Few would argue that there is a level of stress above which their ability to effectively interact with others is diminished. That should be reason enough to monitor our stress level. Once we are aware enough to monitor it, we can then take steps to reduce it if necessary. At the very least, we can reduce our personal interaction until our stress level is reduced. What you say or do in a moment of high stress will be later regretted. 

At least recognize you could have done better. When you adjust your behavior because you are aware of your stress level, you will become more emotionally intelligent. If your stress level has its own zip code, it may be time to pause before continuing.

5. Change your focus. The most emotionally intelligent people are other focused. They have better social skills because they want others to be successful. For example, it is hard enough to be a good listener, but to do it when your focus is completely on yourself is nearly impossible. Interpersonal skills are nurtured by a focus on helping, understanding, and valuing others, and wanting the best for them. As you switch your focus to the needs of others, you begin your path towards greater emotional intelligence.

Although these five actions are simple to state and easy to understand, getting good at them is a lifelong practice. That practice will help you become a more emotionally intelligent person.

Turning Knowing Into Doing

Leaders who have been through the Leadership Academy already know about these actions. The key is to practice them. As Confucius is often paraphrased, knowing and not doing is not really knowing. Or, to put it less elegantly: reading about push-ups does not make your arms stronger.

Here is a simple practice routine you can try for the next two weeks:

1.      Each morning, choose one of the five actions to focus on for the day.
2. Before an important conversation, pause for ten seconds and ask, “What response would be most helpful right now?”
3. After the conversation, take two minutes to reflect on what worked, what did not, and what you would adjust next time.
4. At the end of the week, look for one pattern in your behavior and choose one small improvement for the following week.
5. Repeat the process until the actions become less like homework and more like leadership muscle memory.

Click here to read my post about self-awareness, the foundation of emotional intelligence: The Super-Skill of the 21st Century.

To leading with empathy, awareness, and meaningful connection,

 

 

  

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