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Sunday, July 13, 2025

Employee Not Responding to Feedback—Urgent Action Needed!

   

The Coach's Inbox Q & A
  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Dear Coach Mclees,

How do I help an employee become more organized and productive when she does not respond well to constructive criticism? We have talked about this several times, but I cannot seem to help her find a productive way of working. It’s almost like she enjoys being frantic and unproductive. Any suggestions?

Signed,
Trying to Help

Dear Trying,

It’s tough to be in the orbit of someone who is frantic and disorganized. It’s even more challenging when they’re unwilling to see how their behavior impacts others. However, I’ll start by acknowledging that your team member’s response to your critique is pretty common.

Several years ago, qualtrics surveyed 455 people to better understand how they respond to tough feedback. Unsurprisingly, they found that 9 out of 10 said they were shocked and stunned when they received critical feedback. The interesting data surfaced when they asked people whether they’d welcome the feedback if it were delivered in a careful and compassionate way. And what the they found is that it would make little difference in their reaction. No matter how well feedback is delivered, it still leaves a painful and lasting impression—it’s still hard to hear.

I don’t share this data to excuse your team member’s behavior, but rather to help us better understand it. As a manager, assume that criticism – however constructive it may be – will likely be difficult for your team member to hear. Expecting an emotional or defensive reaction can help you better prepare for a difficult conversation.

And here are a few skills you’ll want to use when confronting your team member about their frantic and unproductive behavior.

Make it safe. Knowing that your team member is going to react defensively to the criticism, you need to be extra diligent in creating and maintaining safety in the conversation. An underlying principle of safety in dialogue is understanding that people don’t get defensive because of what you’re saying, but rather because of why they think you’re saying it.

It’s likely they’ll gloss over the specific feedback about their working style and assume you think they’re incompetent. They may feel their job is on the line. Or maybe they’re already aware they struggle in this area and your criticism further confirms they are a failure.

Because safety is more about your intent, than your content, you can nip these distracting assumptions in the bud by starting the conversation with a statement about your good intent.

You can identify your good intent by asking yourself a few questions: What is it I really want here? And not just for me, but what do I want for them and for our relationship? So, given the context you’ve shared, your good intent might sound something like this:

“I would really like to see you succeed in your role here because I see a lot of potential in your skills and ability. The team really values your experience and what you bring to the table. There is one area where if you made some adjustments, would really help you achieve that potential and provide even more value to the team. Would you be open to some coaching?”

Now, making it safe is rarely a one-and-done skill. You must continually monitor for safety throughout your difficult conversation As you begin sharing the feedback, and you start to notice safety is at risk—perhaps emotions are escalating, or they are beginning to shut down—you need to step out of the conversation and reestablish safety. You can do that with a contrasting statement which is to clarify what you don’t intend (which addresses their concerns) with what you do intend (which reiterates your good intent). It might sound like:

“I don’t intend to make you feel like you’re failing at your job. I do want to help you improve the way you manage your work so you can be less stressed and more effective in your role.”

You may have to reestablish safety several times. But if you do the work to make it safe, they should be willing to hear nearly anything from you—someone who has their best interest in mind.

Stick to the facts. Feedback is only as useful as it is actionable. When you share vague feedback like “You are frantic and unproductive,” it sounds less like feedback and more like a criticism of some character flaw. So before having the difficult conversation, identify specific behaviors and moments that validate your concern. For example:

    Don’t say: You’re unproductive.
    Do say: Last week, you spent two days working on the Acme proposal. That proposal should have taken just a few hours.

    Don’t say: You’re frantic.
    Do say: Yesterday, when I asked you for an update on the project status, your response was exasperated and intense. I got the sense you were very overwhelmed by both the project and by providing the update.

    Don’t say: You are unorganized.
    Do say: In our one-on-one meetings, you struggle to provide a clear picture of what   you’re actively working on.

You get the idea. Don’t come in with charged conclusions; be sure to provide concrete evidence that will illuminate their blind spots.

Diagnose and solve accordingly. Sounds like your repeated attempts to offer feedback and coaching haven’t led to a change in behavior. You’ll want to help diagnose the performance gap by first considering whether this is a motivation problem or an ability problem.

Do they know how to be more organized and less frantic? Are they aware of what to do? If not, then they have an ability gap. You can help them close that gap by coaching them to improve their "Personal Productivity System."

If it’s a motivation problem, try motivating them to action by sharing natural consequences. Kindly let them know how their behavior impacts you, their teammates, and results. Perhaps they can’t see how their mode of operation affects others. Bringing that to light could be a powerful motivator to change.

I suspect however, that they aren’t finding pleasure and joy in their frenzy and disorganization. I doubt they know what to do to be more organized. It’s more likely they’ve simply developed poor habits around managing their work. I bet you’ll discover this is an ability gap and something you can help them address with training and support.

I hope these skills will help you coach your team member through tough behavior change. Your ability to do so with candor and respect will make all the difference.

 Click here to read a related post:  Don't Repeat Feedback that Didn't Land

To your greater success and fulfillment,



Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant
SMART DEVELOPMENT

 

Take the Next Step...
Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability, culture, and employee engagement ? We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. To request an interview with Peter Mclees please 

contact: Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile:323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, energy storage, facility services & maintenance, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, wealth management services, real estate services, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth.

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.



Friday, July 11, 2025

The Last Human Freedom: Reflections on Self-Leadership

   

"

 

 

 

 

The first person you lead is yourself." -Epictetus of  Hierapolis 55 to 135 C.E.

Reflecting on the spirit of Independence Day last weekend, I found myself considering not just national freedom but the deeper, personal liberty that lies at the heart of Viktor Frankl’s philosophy. 

In his seminal work, "Man’s Search for Meaning," Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and renowned neuro-psychologist, wrote about the unique ability of individuals to choose their attitude in any given set of circumstances. 

This notion—that no matter how much is taken from us, we retain the freedom to decide how we respond—resonates powerfully when we think about what it means to be truly free.

Many years ago, a friend and former colleague was going through a difficult divorce. (Is there any other kind?)

He didn't want to separate from his wife, and he hated being apart from his two young daughters. In the midst of this, he walked into work one day and was suddenly and unceremoniously fired from his job.

That evening he went home and took his own life.

It was a terrible shock to everyone who knew him. And a tragic loss, especially for his girls, who were in elementary school.

I was out of town facilitating a leadership workshop when I received the call delivering the grim news. I felt awful that I hadn't been there to offer some consolation. Although I don't know what, if anything, I could have done to change his mind. I imagine I would have mindfully listened and maybe offered a few words about Viktor Frankl and "the last human freedom." 

Born in 1905, Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychologist. He was also a Holocaust survivor.

In 1942, Frankl and his wife and parents were deported to the ghetto of Theresienstadt. From there, he was eventually sent to Turkeheim, a concentration camp not far from Dachau. His wife was shipped to the Bergen-Belson concentration camp, where she died. His mother and father were sent to Auschwitz, where they too were killed.

After three years, Frankl was liberated by American and Soviet forces in April 1945. He later wrote a world-famous book about his experience, "Man's Search for Meaning."

In the book, Frankl described the terrible physical and psychological indignities inflicted on him and his fellow inmates in the camps. But he also wrote movingly about a particular form of spiritual heroism--what he called "the last human freedom."

One day alone in a small room, he became aware of the freedom the Nazi captors could not take away. They could beat him and control his physical environment but there was one thing they could not manage and that was his freedom to decide how he would react to their treatment. With this new belief he became an inspiration to the prisoners and helped others find meaning in their suffering.

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last human freedom--to choose one's own attitude in any given set of circumstances." 

The dignified way these men and women bore their sufferings, was a magnificent inner achievement. Few of us will ever deal with circumstances as brutal as those experienced by Frankl and millions of his fellow Jews at the hands of the Nazi regime. Yet Frankl shows us that the attitude we bring to our problems can be an inspiration to others...and perhaps to ourselves.

If you're like me, looking back you often discover that the most difficult circumstances added the most meaning. Adversity shows us what really matters. Painful as these times are, they shape us--and help us grow as individuals. As Tom Culve said, "a calm sea does not produce a skilled sailor. We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." 

This is not just a matter of thinking positively. Yes, dealing successfully with difficult circumstances is partly about bringing the right attitude to bear. But Frankl also argues that genuine personal freedom is not merely the product of right thinking. It comes from right action. And he offers us a general guideline: "Live as if you were living already for a second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now."

Frankl calls this emphasis on both attitude and responsibility "the categorical imperative." Following it isn't always easy. Occasionally, life hands us circumstances so dire that nothing practical can be (I think of my only brother Dave who died of cancer at the tender age of 46). Sometimes the best we can do is simply play the hand we're dealt.

Still, it's our choice how we play it.

As Frankl writes, "We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into triumph, to turn one's predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation...we are challenged to change ourselves."

Click here to read to a related post: Sage Advice From A 2,000 Year Old Slave 

To your greater sense of personal freedom,

 


Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant
SMART DEVELOPMENT

                        Take the Next Step...
Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability, culture, and employee engagement ? We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. 

To request an interview with Peter Mclees please 

contact: Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile:323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, energy storage, facility services & maintenance, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, wealth management services, real estate services, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth.

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.

 

 

 

Tuesday, July 8, 2025

10 Quotes for When You Feel Lost or Stuck

 

 


 

There are moments in life when we find ourselves sitting at a crossroads, unsure of which direction to take and weighed down by uncertainty. The world can feel overwhelming and the path forward murky, as if we're wandering through a thicket of doubts and questions. In these periods of confusion, it's easy to believe we have lost our way, to think we’ve strayed too far from where we once belonged. Yet feeling lost is not a failure; it’s often a necessary pause, a space in which we can listen more deeply to our needs, dreams, and the quiet voice within urging us onward.

So much of life revolves around setting goals or making plans, and then working gradually toward what we want. But sometimes we don’t know what we want — or how to get it. It’s normal to experience moments of feeling lost or directionless; whether we’ve just reached a longtime goal or had a big upheaval dropped into our laps, there are plenty of reasons we might not know our next move. One 2024 study reported that more than 75% of participants felt stuck in their personal and professional lives — so if we’re feeling lost, we’re not alone.

As author J.R.R. Tolkien wrote, “Not all those who wander are lost.” Whether we’ve been wandering for a little or a long while, all it takes is one decision to set us on a path again. These quotes about feeling lost will help you move, inch by inch, step by step, from drifting to a clear path forward.

"If you can’t do what you long to do, go do something else… You might think it’s procrastination, but — with the right intention — it isn’t; it’s motion. And any motion whatsoever beats inertia, because inspiration will always be drawn to motion."
~Elizabeth Gilbert, writer

"Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves."
~Henry David Thoreau

"I think that you find your own way… In the end, it’s what feels right to you… Not what anybody else told you but the still, small voice."
~Meryl Streep
 

"You didn’t just find a self out there waiting — you had to make one. You had to create who you wanted to be."
~Brit Bennett, writer

"Any action is often better than no action… If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it’s no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing."
~Eckhart Tolle

"The first step toward transforming your life into art is to start paying more attention to it."
~Austin Kleon, author

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come."
~Joseph Campbell

"The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision."
~Maimonides, philosopher

"You still have a lot of time to make yourself be what you want. There’s still lots of good in the world."
~S.E. Hinton, writer

When I feel lost and can’t make a decision, I just stop and get quiet. I take a time-out. I ask myself, “How does this feel? What do I want my life to be like?”
~
Kim Cattrall
 

When everything familiar fades into the background, we are invited to reimagine our story, to ask ourselves what truly matters and where our heart wishes to go next. Sometimes, the discomfort of being lost is the fertile ground from which new inspiration and resilience can grow. The journey from uncertainty to purpose isn’t always sudden or dramatic. It unfolds gradually, with each new insight, encounter, or small act of courage shining a light on the next step. 

I hope you find greater joy, peace, and illumination wherever you are.


Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant
SMART DEVELOPMENT

     Take the Next Step...
Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability, culture, and employee engagement? We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. To request an interview with Peter Mclees please 

contact: Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile: 323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, wealth management services, energy storage and third-party maintenance providers, real estate services, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth.

Sunday, July 6, 2025

The Last Human Freedom: Reflections on Meaning, Loss, and Self-Leadership

  

"

 

 

 

 

The first person you lead is yourself." -Epictetus of  Hierapolis 55 to 135 C.E.

Reflecting on the spirit of Independence Day over the weekend, I found myself considering not just national freedom but the deeper, personal liberty that lies at the heart of Viktor Frankl’s philosophy. 

In his seminal work, "Man’s Search for Meaning," Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and renowned neuro-psychologist, wrote about the unique ability of individuals to choose their attitude in any given set of circumstances. 

This notion—that no matter how much is taken from us, we retain the freedom to decide how we respond—resonates powerfully when we think about what it means to be truly free.

Many years ago, a friend and former colleague was going through a difficult divorce. (Is there any other kind?)

He didn't want to separate from his wife, and he hated being apart from his two young daughters. In the midst of this, he walked into work one day and was suddenly and unceremoniously fired from his job.

That evening he went home and took his own life.

It was a terrible shock to everyone who knew him. And a tragic loss, especially for his girls, who were in elementary school.

I was out of town facilitating a leadership workshop when I received the call delivering the grim news. I felt awful that I hadn't been there to offer some consolation. Although I don't know what, if anything, I could have done to change his mind. I imagine I would have mindfully listened and maybe offered a few words about Viktor Frankl and "the last human freedom." 

Born in 1905, Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychologist. He was also a Holocaust survivor.

In 1942, Frankl and his wife and parents were deported to the ghetto of Theresienstadt. From there, he was eventually sent to Turkeheim, a concentration camp not far from Dachau. His wife was shipped to the Bergen-Belson concentration camp, where she died. His mother and father were sent to Auschwitz, where they too were killed.

After three years, Frankl was liberated by American and Soviet forces in April 1945. He later wrote a world-famous book about his experience, "Man's Search for Meaning."

In the book, Frankl described the terrible physical and psychological indignities inflicted on him and his fellow inmates in the camps. But he also wrote movingly about a particular form of spiritual heroism--what he called "the last human freedom."

One day alone in a small room, he became aware of the freedom the Nazi captors could not take away. They could beat him and control his physical environment but there was one thing they could not manage and that was his freedom to decide how he would react to their treatment. With this new belief he became an inspiration to the prisoners and helped others find meaning in their suffering.

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last human freedom--to choose one's own attitude in any given set of circumstances." 

The dignified way these men and women bore their sufferings, was a magnificent inner achievement. Few of us will ever deal with circumstances as brutal as those experienced by Frankl and millions of his fellow Jews at the hands of the Nazi regime. Yet Frankl shows us that the attitude we bring to our problems can be an inspiration to others...and perhaps to ourselves.

If you're like me, looking back you often discover that the most difficult circumstances added the most meaning. Adversity shows us what really matters. Painful as these times are, they shape us--and help us grow as individuals. As Tom Culve said, "a calm sea does not produce a skilled sailor. We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." 

This is not just a matter of thinking positively. Yes, dealing successfully with difficult circumstances is partly about bringing the right attitude to bear. But Frankl also argues that genuine personal freedom is not merely the product of right thinking. It comes from right action. And he offers us a general guideline: "Live as if you were living already for a second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now."

Frankl calls this emphasis on both attitude and responsibility "the categorical imperative." Following it isn't always easy. Occasionally, life hands us circumstances so dire that nothing practical can be (I think of my only brother Dave who died of cancer at the tender age of 46). Sometimes the best we can do is simply play the hand we're dealt.

Still, it's our choice how we play it.

As Frankl writes, "We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into triumph, to turn one's predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation...we are challenged to change ourselves."

Click here to read to a related post: Sage Advice From A 2,000 Year Old Slave 

To your greater sense of personal freedom,

 


Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant
SMART DEVELOPMENT

                        Take the Next Step...
Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability, culture, and employee engagement ? We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. 

To request an interview with Peter Mclees please 

contact: Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile:323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, energy storage, facility services & maintenance, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, wealth management services, real estate services, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth.

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.

 

 

 

Friday, July 4, 2025

"Take What You Do Seriously; Yourself Lighty"--Dr. Ken Blanchard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taking what you do seriously but yourself lightly does not necessarily mean learning to tell a good joke. It’s more about reconnecting with something you already have inside you—a sense of humor and playfulness. Human beings have the natural ability to see the funny or absurd side. We have the innate ability to be playful in a fun and kind way with others and ourselves. A wise person said, “he who can laugh at themselves will never cease to be entertained.” So true!

Taking things seriously and yourself lightly is a wise approach to both work and life: dedicate yourself fully and responsibly to your tasks, striving for excellence and integrity in all you do. At the same time, maintain a sense of humility and humor about yourself. Recognize your own limitations, laugh at your mistakes, and avoid letting ego get in the way. In other words, pour your energy into your actions, but don’t become self-important or overly rigid—embrace a lighthearted attitude toward your own quirks and imperfections to remain balanced and resilient.

Some people say you should take your job so seriously that even your stapler feels nervous in your presence. But let’s be honest: if you can’t laugh when you accidentally reply-all to the entire company or spill coffee on your “very important” spreadsheet, you might be missing half the fun. The trick is to channel your inner perfectionist for your craft—and your inner clown for yourself.

To truly thrive both professionally and personally, it’s wise to remember that gravitas belongs to your work, not to your ego. When you approach your responsibilities with genuine care, you not only earn the trust of those around you, but you also cultivate pride in accomplishments that are the result of diligence and perseverance. This seriousness is not about being stern or inflexible, but about holding yourself to a thoughtful standard: being present, attentive, and committed to the value of your contributions.

Yet, while you’re building, creating, and striving, it’s equally important to nurture an ability to step back and see yourself with a wry smile. The capacity to laugh at your own blunders or idiosyncrasies is more than just charming—it’s essential for long-term growth and well-being. Self-irony acts as a buffer against stress and perfectionism, freeing you from the weight of unrealistic expectations or the fear of failure. It opens the door to experimentation, learning from mistakes, and connecting with others on a more human level.

By taking your work seriously but yourself lightly, you create space for both ambition and joy; you become someone who can face challenges with resolve and setbacks with resilience. This approach helps prevent burnout and fosters a work environment where creativity and collaboration flourish—where excellence and laughter go hand in hand.

"Angles can fly because they take themselves lightly." --author unknown


P
eter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant
SMART DEVELOPMENT
 

                    Take the Next Step...
Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability, culture, and employee engagement? We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. To request an interview with Peter Mclees please 

contact: Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile: 323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, wealth management services, third-party maintenance providers, real estate services, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth.

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.



 

 

Tuesday, July 1, 2025

Step Beyond Your Comfort Zone: Share Your High School Story and Picture

 


For the Greater Good of Our Class Community

We all know that sharing a high school story and photo can stir up nerves—a hint of embarrassment, a dash of nostalgia, maybe even a bit of hesitation. But sometimes, the best memories (and the greatest growth) come from stepping just beyond our comfort zone.

I encourage you to push through your concern and email me your high school photo, just as others have bravely done before. This small act isn’t about looks or perfection; it’s about connection. It’s about celebrating the journey we’ve all taken, the stories behind our smiles, our old hairstyles, and our once-fashionable outfits.

Your story and photo will help us build a sense of camaraderie, spark laughter, and remind us of the shared experience that brings us together. By participating, you’re not just joining in a class tradition—you’re creating a space where everyone feels welcome to share, reminisce, and support one another.

So go ahead: dig up that snapshot, take a deep breath, and email it for the greater good of the class. You might just inspire someone else to do the same, and together, we’ll turn a simple act into a moment of collective fun and belonging.

 You've got this!


P
eter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant
SMART DEVELOPMENT
 

                    Take the Next Step...
Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability, culture, and employee engagement? We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. To request an interview with Peter Mclees please 

contact: Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile: 323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, wealth management services, third-party maintenance providers, real estate services, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth.

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.