The Two Faces of Happiness: From Fleeting excitement to Lasting Well-Being

 

 

What Does Happiness Really Mean?

What does it truly mean to be happy? While we often chase after joy in fleeting moments, happiness is not a single, uniform experience. It appears in many forms, from sudden bursts of excitement to a quiet sense of ease, and sometimes as a profound contentment that persists through life’s storms. Understanding the two types of happiness can offer insight into how we might welcome more of it—both when circumstances go our way and when they don’t.

Two Faces of Happiness

Imagine you find a crisp bill in an old coat pocket, or a friend surprises you with your favorite dessert after a long day—these spark that first kind of happiness, the quick bolt of delight that lights you up when events align with your wishes.

Then there’s the second kind: maybe your train is delayed, but rather than getting frustrated, you take a deep breath, accept the moment, and watch the city flow around you. You’re not elated, but you’re at ease despite things not going your way..

Happiness When Life Lines Up

The most familiar kind of happiness shows up when things in your life line up just right—when the circumstances fit your hopes or expectations. This is the happiness you feel when you get a promotion at work, hear good news from a loved one, or your plans fall perfectly into place. It's deeply satisfying, but also fragile: when the situation changes, so does your mood.

Because this happiness relies on external conditions matching your desires, it's always just one unexpected turn away from slipping through your fingers. Even though we all enjoy these moments, the happiness they bring is bound to pass, swept along by the changing currents of life.

The Power of Mindset-Based Happiness

Sometimes, life isn’t exactly the way you wish it would be, but you still feel okay. You’re not letting tough situations define who you are. You’ve actually had plenty of these moments, even if you didn’t notice them at the time—so you never really got to practice making more of them happen. This kind of happiness is all about your mindset, not about everything in your life going perfectly. Compared to the happiness that depends on getting what you want, this approach gives you a clearer mind, a bigger heart, and a lot more freedom.

With the second kind, your happiness depends on your mental state more than on outside stuff. Even though this kind of happiness can still change, you can really learn from it—it can show you some important lessons about life and even help you live more wisely. And then there’s the third kind, the happiness that isn’t about your mood or circumstances at all. You could be struggling on the outside, but your mind stays calm and steady.

Relative vs. Absolute Happiness

So, what’s the difference between happiness that’s just a passing feeling and the kind that sticks around? Traditionally, people talk about two main types: relative (comes and goes) and absolute (deep and lasting). But it’s also useful to think about happiness that depends on conditions and the kind that depends on your mindset. Once you see how limited condition-based happiness is, you can let go of chasing the “perfect” situation, and more stable happiness will start to show up on its own.

Letting Go of Perfect Circumstances

When you broaden your perspective in this way, you start noticing that the pursuit of happiness through changing circumstances—getting the right job, finding the perfect relationship, owning just one more thing—rarely leads to lasting satisfaction. Instead, it often creates a cycle of striving and disappointment, since external conditions are always shifting and rarely stay exactly as you want. By recognizing the limits of condition-based happiness, you open the door to a deeper kind of contentment, one that’s grounded in your ability to respond to life rather than control it.

This shift doesn’t mean you stop caring about the world or give up on goals; rather, it invites you to cultivate a steadier happiness that doesn’t get knocked off balance every time life throws a curveball. Practices like mindfulness, gratitude, and self-compassion can help nurture this inner stability. 

Over time, you may find that the sense of well-being becomes less about what is happening “out there,” and more about the clarity, kindness, and resilience you maintain “in here.” When happiness arises from your own mindset and values, it’s less likely to be swept away by sudden change—and much more likely to quietly sustain you, even through life’s inevitable ups and downs.

Emotional intelligence tools—like self-awareness, empathy, and the ability to regulate your feelings—play a vital role in cultivating this sustainable happiness. By recognizing and honoring your emotions without being overwhelmed by them, you learn to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. 

Empathy allows you to connect more deeply with others, fostering relationships that support well-being. When you nurture these skills, you build a foundation of inner strength and adaptability, making it possible for happiness to endure even when life’s circumstances are unpredictable. Ultimately, emotional intelligence becomes a compass, guiding you toward a richer, more resilient joy that’s rooted within and able to weather whatever comes your way.

Consider, for example, someone facing a difficult situation at work—perhaps a project falls apart despite their best efforts, and criticism follows. Instead of spiraling into frustration or self-doubt, a person with well-developed emotional intelligence is able to pause and observe their feelings without judgment. They can recognize disappointment as a natural response, yet avoid letting it define their self-worth. Drawing on empathy, they might imagine the pressures their colleagues or supervisor are experiencing, fostering understanding rather than resentment.

With self-awareness and self-regulation, they are less likely to react defensively; instead, they can address concerns thoughtfully and seek constructive feedback. By responding with openness and kindness—both toward themselves and others—they turn a challenging moment into an opportunity for growth. 

Over time, this approach builds trust and resilience, making happiness less dependent on flawless outcomes and more rooted in the strength of their character and relationships. In this way, emotional intelligence transforms setbacks into stepping stones, allowing a deeper, lasting happiness to flourish regardless of circumstance.

Check out three related posts:  

Build Resilience Against Stress By Managing Your Inner Dialogue

How to Transform Your Life During Times of Great Uncertainty

Embracing Hardship: The Hidden Benefits of Suffering

To your lasting well-being,

Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant
SMART DEVELOPMENT 

Take the Next Step...
Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability, culture, and employee engagement? We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. To request an interview with Peter Mclees please 

contact: Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile: 323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, wealth management services, third-party maintenance providers, real estate services, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth.

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.