The leader who asks more and tells less utilizes what we know about the brain from the studies in neuroscience.
I
often hear complaints from leaders along a similar theme: “I have been
over this with him in the past and each time he agrees. Yet each time
nothing changes.” Leaders are frustrated that their good advice is being
overlooked and their instructions ignored by members of their team.
So what going on here? (The clue is in the brain!)
1. They are hearing you, they just don’t care
To
pay attention (And to change behavior), the brain needs the right
amount of dopamine. Dopamine levels are increased when a person sees
relevance in the messages (Source: Davachi, D.L., Keifer D.T, 2020.
Learning that lasts through the ages. Neuroleadership Journal). If they
don’t have any ownership over the messages they are receiving, even when
they ‘hear’ you, just don’t care.
2. There is nothing new, you have said it all before
The
brain learns best when there is novelty or variety. Are you ‘telling’
them the same thing in the same way, over and over? I saw a funny
cartoon recently. A parent was explaining to a child, in detail, what
behavior was expected on a visit to Grandma’s house. The kid was hearing
‘blah blah blah’. What are your people hearing?
3. Their emotional brain is not engaged
When
you give instructions, they may be listening with their ‘rational
brain’, but this won’t necessarily help with recall. Engage their
‘emotional brain’ to increase the chance they will remember and apply
what you have said. Emotions focus attention on the stimulus, and
through engaging the amygdala, emotions signal to the brain that an
event is significant. This leads to enhanced recall.
Think about your own learning? Under what conditions are you more likely to listen, generate ideas, and take ownership?
So
what does this mean? Simply that people are much more likely to
remember things—and apply them to other situations—that they have worked
out for themselves, than things their boss has told them. The leader
who asks more utilizes that understanding.
How does the leader who asks more and tells less support insight?
The
fundamental distinction between a coaching approach and many other
forms of skill development in the use of asking and not telling.
Many
problems can be solved by taking an analytical approach and
systematically working through the problem and possible solutions. The
types of problems that are best solved with a coaching approach often in
a different way: a new way of thinking about the problem and the
solution. The questioning associated with a coaching leadership style
helps find a fresh approach that generates a new understanding, and
that’s where insight comes in.
When
people solve a challenge for themselves—rather that being
‘told’—‘insight’ is involved. Insight is the sudden understanding—a
‘Eureka’ moment—when the brain takes seemingly unrelated ideas and puts
them together in new ways to reach an understanding.
Insights
engage the brain’s reward systems and trigger a release of dopamine: a
neurotransmitter associated with the brains rewards system known as a
“happy chemical." The simple act searching for our own answers is
rewarding to the brain.
Insight
activates the hippocampus, the area of the brain responsible for
long-term memories. Insights are memorable because there is an
emotional component; the amygdala—the part of the brain responsible for
emotional arousal—is engaged.
Memory is also augmented with insight because we make rich neural connections to things we already know.
Problems
solved via insight support application of the solution more broadly.
The ability to generalize occurs when we are able to recognize new
patterns in the problems we encounter and strategies we use to solve
them, and to recognize this in subsequent situations. So, one insight
can address multiple challenges across different time and context.
Let’s not underestimate a coach-like approach
It’s
easy to underestimate the power of bring coach-like and think that
coaching skills are for 1: 1 formal conversations only. This would be a
mistake.
Coach-like leaders make formal 1:1 conversations flow, and the leader who asks more
and tells less is much more likely to get an outcome to which both
parties are committed. That’s only one of the many ways in which
coaching skills can be applied. Coaching skills allow a leader to make
an instant connection in a quick hallway or virtual conversation, and get outcomes
that in the past might have taken multiple conversations, over many
weeks.
Being coach-like is also informal. In this approach coaching is no longer an event. It’s a way of being with each other. Coaching isn’t just confined to one-hour 1:1s. Leaders can be coach-like (I.e., ask more, tell less) in most business conversations using the synchronous (In-person, Teams video) and asynchronous channels (Text, email, DMs, slack, etc.) of communication. The great thing about asynchronous coaching is that you don’t have to be physically present, and it takes little time.
Click on the link to learn how to form the ask more, tell less habit: Three Key Habits To Elevate Your Coaching Impact 5 min read. [You have the Mclees guarantee 😉 that it will change the way you lead forever. ]
Culture changes need leaders who ask more and tell less throughout the organization
Typically,
culture change starts at the top, and the ongoing support and modelling
of the desired culture by the senior leadership group is critical. It’s
also critical that leaders throughout the organization understand the
vision, the values, and the expected behaviors, and can coach that
throughout the organization.
Culture
is the sum of every little thing we do each day. Leaders who ask more
and tell less create culture and change momentum through informal
interactions as well as formal conversations.
Leadership
is tricky. It's challenging and rewarding, and at times its fun
(Interestingly, the more skills we have to draw on the more fun
leadership becomes!) Building a vibrant culture is tricky too, and it
rises and falls on leadership and leadership rises and falls on
communication. Becoming a coach-like leader who asks more and tells less
helps you to be brave enough to connect deeply, lead fearlessly and
achieve results that transform.
Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant
SMART DEVELOPMENT
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