"The little things? The little moments? They aren’t little. " --Jon Kabat-Zinn
Most of us think we are too busy. Probably we are, but also the way we think about the topic matters. When I was in third grade, the minute hand on the large round clock moved incredibly slowly as I awaited the two o’clock dismissal bell.
Summer vacations seemed to last forever. Now time flies by, and vacations never seem long enough. What happened? There are still the same twenty-four hours in every workday, which means the feeling of “not having enough time” doesn’t align with my objective reality.
What happens is that I am caught in a time-driven, scarcity mentality or tumbling unconsciously from one moment to the next, I become a prisoner of my thoughts. I get trapped in a jail of my own construction. And I don’t even realize that the cell door is not locked. I have only to choose to open it.
Cultivating mindful moments isn’t about adding another task to your already too-long to-do list. It’s a choice—a choice to be alert, to bring your attention to this moment. Multitasking is a myth that only serves to seize our attention and exhaust us. At the end of the day, it is neither enjoyable nor productive. Let’s face it: none of us have that superpower; we can only live one moment at a time.
As a result, we end up addicted to busyness. We confuse slowing down to be mindful with non-productivity and laziness. “No time to waste!” we chide ourselves as we race from one activity to the next. Yet we do it all in a continuous state of partial attention, imagining we’re accomplishing more, when in reality we are living less.
The smartphone, our most constant companion, is a shining example of this mentality. A recent survey of Houston residents found that on any given day, most people interact more with their devices more than they do with other human beings. Half of the people surveyed admitted to using their phones to escape social interaction, and nearly a third said they felt anxious when they didn’t have access to their phones.
Remember when computers were sold to us based on the idea that they would create more leisure and greater human connectivity? I want my money back.
There is a common phenomenon among people newly diagnosed with cancer. Ange Stephens, a longtime therapist to people with life-threatening illness, calls it “a secret gratitude.” After the initial shock subsides, many of her clients quietly express relief. “Now I can say ‘no’ whereas I always felt obliged to say ‘yes,’” they tell her. “Now I can finally rest.”
Do we need to die before we can rest in peace?
Well-being is found when we are present instead of letting our minds wander aimlessly through the hallways of fear, worry and anxiousness. Peace of mind comes when we don’t let the things that matter most get crowded out by the things that matter least.
Cultivating mindful moments is not an indulgence or a vice so much as it is indispensable. Nearly all plants go dormant in winter. Certain mammals hibernate, slowing their metabolism dramatically. All are guided by inner clocks to emerge again in the fullness of time, when conditions are right. This period of rest is crucial to their survival.
We, too, need to heed our instincts and cultivate mindful moments. Living out of touch with the primal rhythms of life takes it toll on us.
Everything we do can be used in the cultivation of mindfulness: driving to work, eating lunch with a coworker, taking a walk, raising our children, being with our beloveds. We can learn to integrate it into every aspect of our everyday lives. But like anything else worthwhile; it takes deliberate practice.
Check out these related posts:
How to Say No When You Can't Say No
How Mindful Listening Can Expand Your Influence As a Leader
Be here now.
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