Sooner or later, all of us receive constructive (AKA corrective) feedback, whether it's in the form of poor results, a talking-to from a supervisor, or a colleague who cares enough to be honest. It can be hard to take, even when you know you deserve it, or the bearer of the news is doing you a favor. So, what do you do (And what do help your team do?) when the voices of doubt are coming at you from the outside?
Here are five steps for gleaning the maximum benefit from constructive feedback. Corrective feedback does not have the power to stall your career, but an unwillingness or inability to absorb it and act on it does. Don't avoid the teachers in your workplace. Treat them as valued coaches who show you what you need to work on.
1. The first step is to welcome the news. This message has come to you as a sign of the next thing to work on to be successful. Even if you disagree at first, commit to the possibility that the messenger might be right. Respect and gratitude should be your default setting.
2. Check your ego and see what you can learn. The ability to receive feedback from the market, a customer, our coworkers, or any other source without defensiveness or reaction is key for reality-based employees and leaders. Reactions come from our egos; right action comes from our commitment to work toward a goal greater than ourselves. Always respond to feedback with openness and willing to change.
3. If you struggle to take the message, try this exercise one of my mentors gave me when I was very young and hated getting feedback. (It will stop you from doing what I used to do, which was to personalize it and get defensive and angry.) She gave me five options, and when I got feedback, I could only react by choosing one:
a. Saying "Thank you" should be your default response. You could add..."for caring enough about me to give me that feedback."
b. "I've noticed that about myself too, and it's something I'm working on."
c. "Will you help me improve?"
d. "I am willing to see if I can find some truth in that."
e. "I used to think that about myself, too, and here is what I did to change it."
When somebody says something to me that it is surprising, and I need to center myself, (d) is my favorite option. But any of these reactions will neutralize your defenses and give you a chance to go away and think things through befrore responding further. If you can admit to the fact that, as a human being, you are imperfect and you are still developing, it shows thoughtfulness and humility.
4. If you have the urge to ignore constructive feedback, or quit, first ask yourself if the universe is trying to tell you something! When faced with a situation that has the potential to be our greatest teacher, the first thing we usually think about is how we can extricate from it. That's a normal, human reaction. But if you stay, and wholeheartedly confront the message you have been given, you move from being a victim of you circumstances to a professional, who can account for the actions and thoughts that led to his results. You come away from this experience stronger than before. If you decide you're unwilling to learn and grow and address the situation, and you walk away, know that what you don't welcome and address head-on in your life will reappear again until you get the intended lesson.
Are you willing to do whatever it takes to learn and grow from constructive feedback? If so, on to the fifth step.
5. Stay in your lane, and you will be on the fast track to recovery and improvement. Focus on yourself--your development, your assumptions, your choices, and the actions you can take to regain your credibility and improve. Resist the urge to point out how others were involved in the poor outcome. It will only slow your progress and compound negativity. Turn this into a positive experience by focusing only on what you can affect--your own thoughts and behavior.
The most important integrity gut check comes in the form of a simple question: "Can those around me identify my organization's goals from watching my behavior?" If not, change your behavior in support of the goals. I'd found it helpful to try every day to let go of the need for approval and appreciation, because when we operate from those motives our behavior deteriorates quickly. If instead of focusing on what we can get, we focus on what we can give, we will always be happier and more energetic.
When we act in the best interests of the organization and enjoy the results of our effort, we lose the appetite for approval. We are free to act without fear, sugarcoating or tiptoeing around others, resulting in higher productivity, more respect, and less stress all around. That is the mark of a true professional.
Click here to read a related post: Constructive Criticism: Five Ways to Get Your Point Heard, Every Single Time
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