Making Conflict Productive: A Critical Leadership Skill

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At the heart of nearly every personal or organizational problem is a conversation that either went poorly or never happened.

The health of any relationship, team, or company can be measured by the lag time between identifying and discussing problems. One survey estimated that when three days pass between identification of a problem and a frank, honest and respectful conversation about it, roughly $5,000 was wasted. But when the lag time extends it becomes even more costly—like 25,000 bucks!

Just because you’re given a leadership title doesn’t mean it’s any easier to tell someone they need to improve their performance or change their behavior. 

When confronted with conflict, the common human response is to find the easiest way out. We're looking for an exit and we'll take it anywhere we can find it.

Yet kicking the can down the road doesn’t get rid of the can. Soon enough you’ll find yourself facing the same conflict.

Making conflict productive is a critical skill for leaders. Leaders who are able to address issues early and effectively can create a more positive and productive work environment, build stronger relationships with their team members, promote collaboration and innovation, and are likely to achieve more of the results they want.

Many of us feel fear, anger, discomfort, or anxiety about clearly confronting issues with others. We often find justifications for avoiding the conversation altogether. We wind up with resentment, which is very stress producing and it leaves the other person in charge. We give over our power. It also takes a physical and mental toll, building stress over time. The irony is that the very outcomes we fear in confronting an issue are practically guaranteed to show up if we don’t address the issue.

Instead of looking at confrontation as something to be armed and armored for, ready for a battle, look at conflict resolution as a search for the truth, for understanding the root cause of what is happening.

How can leaders develop their ability to effectively confront issues?

Here are some specific strategies that leaders can use to resolve issues effectively:

• Meet with the parties involved individually.
• Go into the conversation with curiosity to find out the root cause of the issue. This will give you a chance to hear each person’s side of the story and to get a better understanding of the situation.
• Name the specific issue. If you have many issues with the person, choose the most important one, or see if there is one over-arching issue. Remember, just one issue, and be specific.
• Give specific examples of the issue you are confronting.
• Describe your emotions around the issue. Talking about emotions is intimate and disarming. Emotions make it personal.
• Clarify what is at stake to gain when the issue is resolved; what’s at stake for them, for the team, and for the company
•  Indicate your wish to resolve the issue. This indicates good intentions.
   Invite them to share their perspective, and their side of the story, and go into active listening mode.
• Be more curious, ask clarifying questions, and allow the person to express themselves clearly. 
• Ask more questions and repeat what you’ve heard to make sure you’re understanding them correctly, and to let them know you are truly listening.
• Clearly state your intention and restate the issue to come full circle. Restating the issue refocuses the other person’s attention on the issue.
• Brainstorm solutions together. This can help to foster collaboration and to generate creative solutions.
• Help them to evaluate the different solutions and to choose the one that is best for everyone involved.
• Make the agreement.

Here are some additional tips for making conflict productive:

 

 

• Listen actively – When the other person is speaking, listen actively and try to understand their perspective.
• Stay calm and collected –  when resolving conflict. Avoid getting emotional or defensive. Be respectful –  Even if you disagree with the other person, it is important to treat them with respect. 
  
• Show empathy – being able to see conflict from another’s point of view to avoid bringing one’s own preconceptions to the table
• Be willing to apologize – If you have made a mistake, be willing to apologize.
• Be forgiving – If the other person has made a mistake, be willing to forgive them.

If you are a leader, it is important to invest time and effort in developing your conflict resolution skills. 

Check out a related post: Productive Conflict Is Essential to Your Team's Success  ( 3 min read)

Remember, difficult conversations are not to be feared or avoided. Ensuring that these conversations take place is up to you. In other words, if you know something must change, then know that it is you who must initiate the change.

To your greater success and fulfillment,

Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant
SMART DEVELOPMENT

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