These are difficult times. We are facing an extraordinary problem. So, how do you help your people cope and even get stronger? Start by helping your team focus on what they can manage. They cannot control the crisis, but they can learn to control their response.
How people show up during challenging times is how we show up everywhere. One way to be resilient during the crisis is to reframe our relationship with it.
Pause before you react
These are scary times. We live under the illusion that we have control over our lives, but we don’t. Now, the realization is more evident than ever.
It’s okay to feel afraid, anxious or stressed out. Emotions are a natural response to external events, especially when we feel threatened. What is not okay is to let our emotions take over. We must manage how we respond.
When we react to an external stimulus, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body, putting us in full alert. After that time, the body flushes those chemicals away. This means that for 90 seconds, you can observe the process happening — you can experience, feel it, and then see it how it goes away.
You can react to this chemical alert, or you can wait until it’s gone before you act.
The 90-second rule is a term coined by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor in her book, My Stroke of Insight, to explain the nature and lifespan of an emotion. If you leave it uninterrupted by thoughts, you can quickly regain control of your response.
Next time you are experiencing an emotional reaction, pause. Practice deep breaths — you can stretch your body, too — during those 90 seconds. Enjoy that moment, and don’t let emotions dictate your response. How do you feel using the 90-second rule to regain control of your reaction?
Reframe your words
Words are powerful. The way we talk about the crisis has a direct impact on how we perceive what’s going on. Negative words create an adverse effect and the other way around. As neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Newberg explains, “The longer you concentrate on positive words, functions in the parietal lobe start to change, which changes your perception of yourself.”
Use the chart below as a reference. For example, instead of using the phrase “social distancing,” use “physical distance.” Having to keep a distance of, at least 6 feet, doesn’t mean that we stop socializing with our friends or neighbors. That we work remotely doesn’t mean that we must distance from our colleagues.
The same happens when we replace "isolation" (that has a negative perception) with "protection." We are not isolated from other human beings; we are staying at home to protect ourselves and others.
Become more aware of the words you use. Reframe negative ones into positive words.
Put the crisis in perspective
Every crisis is unique. This might feel the worst ever, but it’s not. Putting things in perspective will help you lower anxiety and regain control. As human beings, we have fought many crises before, and we were able to thrive.
Consider past devastating crises. Back in the time, everyone felt it was the end of the world, but people survived and bounced back.
The Bubonic plague killed 31% of the European population; 18 million people died in 1347. During the Spanish Influenza, 1 out of 20 inhabitants was killed in Spain. 9/11 put New York City on its knees. Everyone got back on their feet, and humanity was able to thrive once again.
Think about your own crises. What were the worst experiences you ever faced? We’ve all lost loved ones or got fired from a job. Some people have to deal with severe health conditions. I’ve been very close to dying a couple of times, and here I am.
Crises put our characters to the test. It’s our choice that a better version of ourselves comes out of the storm.
All crises are survivable. We will survive this. Putting things in perspective will help you focus on what you can control. Take precautions — protect yourself — without overreacting.
Reframe the event
Why do some people break while others thrive in adversity?
The answer is resilience — our ability to bounce back. Luckily, resilience is not an innate trait, but something that you can develop. The way you perceive an event determines how resilient you are.
“Potentially Traumatic Event” (PTE) is a term coined by George Bonanno, the head of the Loss, Trauma, and Emotion Lab at Columbia University. According to the professor, an event is not traumatic unless we experience it as such.
Our perception of an adverse event can turn it into a traumatic one or not. Your mindset, your thoughts, and how you frame reality, define if you will be traumatized by a crisis, or not.
Reframing is a powerful tool to help you cope with stressful events. It’s more than turning a crisis into an opportunity. Instead of thinking, “Why is this happening to me?” think, “What can I learn from this event?” By reframing an incident, you recover control by shifting your role from “victim” to “hero.”
Psychiatrist Steven Wolin defines resiliency as “the capacity to rise above adversity.” When something goes wrong, you must manage to stay in control rather than let the situation take over. Your thoughts — not grit — shape your perceptions and behavior.
No one knows how this crisis will unfold, but you and your team, can at least, manage how you deal with it.
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