One of the Best Secrets of Life

In Soul Food, Jack Kornfield and Christina Feldman tell the story of an Illinois family whose daughter became ill and was diagnosed with a life-threatening blood disease.

A search went out for a compatible blood donor but none could be found. Then it was discovered that her 6-year-old brother shared her blood type. The boy's  mother  and  doctor sat  down with him to ask if he would be willing to donate blood to save the life of his sister.

To their surprise, he  did  not  answer  right  away.  He  needed some time to think about  it.  After  a  few  days, he  came  back his mother and announced he would do it.

As Kornfield and Feldman write, " The following day the doctor brought both children to his clinic and placed them on cots next to each other. He wanted them to see how one was helping the other. First he drew a half pint of blood from the young boy's arm. Then he moved it over to his sister's cot and inserted the needle so her brother could see the effect. In a few minutes color began to pour back into her cheeks.

"Then the boy motioned for the doctor to come over. He wanted to ask a question very quietly. 

"Will I start to die right away?" he asked.

You see, when he had been asked  to  donate his blood to save his sister's life, his 6 year old mind understood the process literally."

He believed he was trading his life for his sister's. No wonder he needed a few days to mull it over.

In today's society, selflessness is often regarded as naive or idealistic, an outdated concept promoted by busybodies and do-gooders.

But those who focus solely on themselves have their own set of problems. For starters, many of them don't look terribly happy.

Psychologist Martin Seligman writes that "one of the major symptoms of depression is self-absorption. The depressed person thinks about how he feels a great deal, excessively so... 
When he detects sadness, he ruminates about it, projecting it into the future and across all his activities, and this in turn increases his sadness."

This is generally beyond the control of someone clinically depressed. Yet cognitive therapists have found that a regiment of goal setting and thought modification is more effective with some patients than antidepressants. The objective is to get the patient looking upward and outward rather than obsessively inward.

Not a bad idea for the rest of us, either. As author Henry Miller said, " Develop interest in life as you see it, in people, things, literature, music-the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself."

This is no easy task. From infancy we are programmed to think about our wanes, our needs, our feelings, our objectives. This is natural. But it can also be problematic--and embarrassing. When we get wrapped up in ourselves, we make a pretty small package. We also risk becoming a bore.

Ambrose Bierce captured this sentiment with the perfect irony when he defined an egotist as "a person of low taste--more interested in himself than me."

To a certain extent, we are all held captive by our egos. Yet the sages have always taught us how to break free:

Taoism suggests we extend our help without seeking reward. Buddha said that contentment is found in a generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion. The New Testament tells us it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Many secular philosophers agree. In Breaking the Spell, Daniel Dennett writes:

One of the best secrets of life· let your self go. if you can approach
the  world's complexities,  both its glories and its horrors, with an 
attitude  of humble curiosity,  acknowledging that however deeply
you  have seen, you have only just scratched  the  surface, you  will 
find  worlds  within worlds, beauties you could  not  heretofore imagine, 
and your mundane preoccupations will shrink to proper size...for if you can stay
centered and engaged, you will find the hard choices easier, the right words will come
to you when you need them, and you will indeed be a better person.

Click here to read a related post. Winning by Giving

To your greater success and fulfillment,

Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant

SMART DEVELOPMENT

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