6 Magic Words that Will Increase Your Influence and Reduce Your Stress

The six magic words that will increase your influence and reduce your stress are: "What's in my control right now?"

Control is something we all want, and most leaders think a lot about control. Many of the big leadership questions revolve around control and who has it. Does control come from position? Are leaders exerting more control by micromanaging? And what about control and employee engagement? How you answer those questions, and a hundred others, must start with understanding what is in your control.

What’s on the List?

When you break down the list of what is in your control, the list is short, but powerful.

What You Do.This one is pretty straightforward. The actions you take are in your control. No one walks for you, hits send on the email for you, reads a book for you – name it. Our actions are ours in every area of our life.

What You Say. As Zig Ziglar used to say, “putting words in someone’s mouth is unsanitary,” it is also not possible. Words come from your thoughts and through your lips. In the end, no one can make you say anything – your words are in your control.

What You Think. Your thoughts are yours. They can be influenced by where you are, what you read, see, and hear and more, but ultimately your thoughts are in your head.

How Your Feel. Your emotions are your own. Chances are there has been a time in your life when you felt something differently that people expected you to – and their projection on you didn’t change that emotion.  Our feelings are ours, in our control.

What You Choose.  In some ways this is a summary or overview of the other four things.  As a human we make decisions – we choose – what we will do, say, think and feel.  Sometimes it feels like one or more of those things is out of our control, but if not us, who?

Control vs. Influence
If you read that list closely it quickly lets you know what you can’t control.  Here is a short list, particularly relevant for leaders:

• Other people
• Their reactions
• Whether they read your email
• Their attitude
• Their discipline or work ethic
• One hundred other things you think about, wonder about, and worry about as a leader
• Or stated another way, there is a whole lot that we don’t have in our control, that matters a lot to us and our success.

Does that mean we should just fold up our tent and call it a day, since we can’t control others and outcomes?

No, in fact realizing that we can’t control those things actually improves our ability to succeed, because we stop trying to.  Since we can’t control them, we can shift our focus to what we can do; influence them. And leadership (and parenting, and relationships, and life) is all about influence.

An Application of this Principle

Once you understand and agree with the premise that there is a difference between what you can control and what you can influence, and when you understand the difference, you become clear on your options for any situation.

Imagine a situation you encountered with your team that didn’t go exactly how you had hoped. Before acting, use these questions to determine your response:

How important is it?
Sometimes leaders get involved in things they don’t need to. Maybe you can let the group figure it out. Maybe it isn’t exactly how you would have done it, but is it necessary to comment at all?

If you decide it is important enough for you to act, ask the next question.

Is it in my control?
When you review the list above, it is likely, since others were involved, that you don’t have control of it all, rather you must consider how you can influence it for the better.

Once you are clear on your role – control or influence, ask the last question.

What can I do now to make it better?
Now that you are clear on the control/influence question are you able to be accountable for what you can effectively and appropriately do next. This question keeps you accountable for improving things, but is most effective after answering the first two questions.

Final Thoughts

Understanding control and influence is critical to creating empowerment, understanding accountability, coaching others, leading effectively and being resilient during a biological and social crisis.

Check out a related post: 6 Words for Stopping Blame and Increasing Accountability

To your greater success and fulfillment,

Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant

SMART DEVELOPMENT

Take the Next Step... 

Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability. We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. To request an interview with Peter Mclees please contact: 

Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile:323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth. 

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.

How to Transform Your Life During Uncertain Times

A mentor of mine has been following a disciplined meditation practice for more than 5 years. He says it helps him stay calm, clear and focused on the present moment.

It shows. Although he has a mountain of responsibilities, I’ve never seen him looking harried, tense or anxious.

Perhaps he’s onto something.

After all, the present moment is all we have. There was never a time when your life wasn’t not now, nor will there ever be. Your life is and always be “this moment.”

The odd thing about this realization is that it is both bone-crushingly obvious and, at the same time, seldom acknowledged.

Each day we’re caught up in our own personal dramas. We struggle to meet the deadline, finish the project, make the appointment, pick up the kids, drop off the car, stop at the bank, visit the folks, plan the dinner…driving around, we are swept up in the recollections of the past or, more likely, endless planning and worrying about the future.

By living in a state of distraction, we deny ourselves the only time we have to be fully present. Right now.

Trust me, you cannot savor your Asian chicken salad with the water chestnuts and sliced tangerines if you’re worrying about next week’s budget meeting. Nor can you enjoy your afternoon by the lake with your grandson if you’re talking on your device or fuming about something you saw on a news feed.

You can only appreciate the good things in your life when you’re fully present. Doing this allows you to minimize your negatives, too.

All of us face situations that are depressing, frustrating, or maddening. Yet, more often than not, our anxieties are the result of our own faulty thinking. It may be tough to admit, but it is our mindset—rather than the situation itself—that creates the negative emotions.

As Shakespeare wrote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking make it so.” Truly, it is our thoughts that torment us, not our problems.

Some may disagree. After all if you have a child with a serious drug addiction or a parent that is dying of cancer, the problem isn’t in your mind. It’s real.

But there are only two kinds of bad situations in the world: those that can be solved and those that can’t. If you have a situation that can be solved, get busy fixing it. If you have one that can’t, get busy accepting it.

After all, your thoughts determine your happiness. The good news is that you can control them. That’s the power behind Reinhold Niebuhr’s well-known Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference.

Incidentally, while Niebuhr wrote this prayer roughly 70 years ago, there is an Irish rhyme dating back to 1695 that expresses a remarkably similar sentiment:

For every ailment under the sun,

There is a remedy, or there is none:

If there be one, try to find it;

If there be none, never mind it.

But when something truly sad or tragic happens, how do you keep from minding it? There is no easy answer to this one. Some wounds only time can heal. But returning to the present moment can help.

As Eckhart Tolle wrote in The Power of Now, “Narrow your life down to this moment. Your life situation may be situation may be full of problems—most life situations are—but find out if you have any problem at this moment. Not tomorrow or in ten minutes, but now. Do you have a problem now?”

Tolle says it’s impossible to feel troubled when your attention is full in the Now. You have situations that need to be dealt with or accepted—yes. But only worries about the future or regrets about the past can turn into personal quagmires.

Skeptics may argue that altering your thinking doesn’t change the problem, just your perception of it. But that’s the magic of it. Higher awareness is often that prelude to a solution.

Tolle says, “Accept—then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept is as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, no against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.”

How do you get started? Ironically, by becoming conscious of your lack of consciousness—something the majority of us never do—you take the first step toward an elevated state of mind. Your ability to enjoy your life, and deal successfully with your problems, increases the moment you become fully present.

Beware though. Living in the present moment means abandoning your old ways of thinking. In the present moment there is no judging, cherishing your opinions, or nurturing discontent.

It means slowing down. Relaxing. Focusing on your breath. Listening to the breeze. Or just taking a good look around.

You have the opportunity to enhance your life simply by choosing where to direct your attention. Where should that be?

Right here. Right now.

“The past is history, the future’s a mystery, today’s a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.”

Check out a related post: Sage Advice from a 2,000 Year Old Slave

To your greater success and fulfillment,

Peter C. McLees

Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant

Mobile: 323-854-1713

Email: petercmclees@gmail.com

We help organizations and leaders accelerate their results. 

5 Practices For Getting Employees To Follow The Covid-19 Protocols

One of my coaching clients is the Director of a department with 25 people. Employees in her department are returning to the central work site. During a recent session, I asked the director how it was going in terms of her team adhering to the new social protocols designed to keep everyone safe from Covid-19. She mentioned two situations that represent what I believe are the two main categories of employees who do not follow safe practices. The first one forgot. The second one rebelled. 

I’ve learned from clients and studied best practices that other companies are doing to gain compliance from all of their employees. I say all because it just takes one infected employee to spread the virus and see a spike in Covid-19 cases.

I’ve included what I’ve learned thus far in this list of five best practices. I’m sure your company is doing many of these things already. Still, you and your colleagues could benefit from reviewing these practices to see where there may be some gaps-especially item # 4. 

1. Hold An In-Service. The best way to handle a difficult or awkward conversation is to prevent it. Conduct a training that introduces the new policies (Including a checklist of expected behaviors), and have people attend it as they return to work. This gives you a chance to clarify expectations in an advantageous setting. It’s kind of like a “boot camp” because, similar to the military induction, it should be leader-led and hands-on. Have everyone go through the motions of hand hygiene, mask donning, temperature taking, or whatever the policies are. People are most uncomfortable when trying things for the first time. It’s best to have that “first” be in a controlled group setting where reasoned discussion can take place, rather than in an awkward one-to-one moment with a manager or peer. 

2. Offer A Clear Moral Frame. In the in-service, leaders should be unapologetic about the intentions of their policies. Leaders should speak personally, where possible, about why they think the policies are appropriate and right. 

For example, We know that a few simple behaviors are the key to saving lives for the foreseeable future. For example, research shows that if employees wash their hands five times during a work shift, transmission risk is reduced by as much as 45%. Even more promising, a review of multiple studies concludes that if just two-thirds of us wore even marginally effective masks consistently, the epidemic could be stopped. 

3. Allow Room for Disagreement, But Not Dissent. Leaders should acknowledge that some might disagree with what the company is asking. The truth is that organizations are asking customers and employees to do some inconvenient things that some may disagree with. What else is new? Many workplaces require employees to wear PPE even when some think it’s stupid. Lots of employers require drug testing that some think is invasive. People need not agree with everything in order to consent to it. So, don’t ask them to. Make it clear you are not asking for everyone to agree with leadership’s reasoning; you are simply asking for them to accept it.

4. Ask for 200% Accountability. We know that the only way we can create strong social norms for safe behavior is if people remind those who lapse. This means that when we observe people disregarding the rules that will keep us all safe—not to mention move economies and businesses toward recovery—then it’s our job to speak up. It’s all of our jobs to speak up. One of the best ways to ensure new practices are adopted quickly and practiced consistently is to create a culture of “polite reminding.” 

The key to avoiding confrontation is to ensure those issuing reminders do so kindly, and that leaders offer an example of receiving reminders with the utmost grace. The watchwords should be: “It’s kind to remind” and “When reminded, show gratitude not attitude.” Cover this in the in-service, including a lighthearted, playful way of practicing these behaviors.

a.  It’s Kind to Remind. An employee’s motive for speaking up is a better predictor of others’ response than we might think. If you are speaking up in an attempt to belittle, punish, or control, others will pick up on it and respond in kind. The key to mustering the courage to speak up is to remind yourself, “It’s kind to remind.” When your motivation is kindness, your words feel different. So, next time you’re worried about speaking up, repeat this phrase: “It’s kind to remind,” then open your mouth and save a life. And when your mouth opens, a great word to begin with is “Please.” 

b. Gratitude Not Attitude. One of the best ways to help us establish a norm of polite reminders in the world, is to offer an example of a polite response when you are reminded. For example, research in hospitals shows that when a doctor says “Thank you” after being reminded to wash her hands, the nervous nurse who reminded her is significantly more likely to offer a reminder the next time he sees a lapse. Any time someone reminds you to do something safe, look them right in the eye and say the magic word: Thank you! A quick, sincere thank you makes the tension they felt before speaking up disappear. And it disabuses all who see it of their fear of offering similar admonitions. So remember, It’s kind to remind. And when someone does, give them gratitude not attitude! 

c. Speak Up and Let Go. When you’re in an awkward moment writhing with uncertainty about whether or not to remind someone to be safe, I’ve found it helpful to do two things: Speak up and Let go. First, speak up. Don’t overthink it. Don’t amplify your own misery by imagining all of the horrible things that might happen if you open your mouth. Hardwire it. Make it automatic. Have a ready phrase at hand—something like: “We’ve been asked to have only five in the conference room.” 

Then, let go. Don’t hand your self-worth over to the other person. Let them have their own reaction. Usually what dresses up like resentment in others is actually embarrassment. And that is theirs to work through. It’s not a comment on your dignity unless you make it one. Break off eye contact. Don’t make it a standoff. Take a breath. Congratulate yourself for doing the right thing. Then let it go! 

d. Escalate Without Escalating. If someone appears unwilling to comply, pass the concern on to those who should handle it. Don’t turn it into a holy war by escalating matters unnecessarily in the moment. Emotions have tempos to them. Anger is fast. Calmness is slow. If you avoid pressing for a fast resolution, you can often find a more peaceful one.

 Check out a related post: A Culture of 200% Accountability Is Required When Returning to Work In an Ongoing Pandemic

5.  Sign a Commitment. People are far less likely to stray when they’ve made an explicit promise not to. For example, research shows that when we are presented with temptation to cheat, we are far less likely to give in if we have recently signed a promise to be honest. After disclosing and practicing the policies, ask for a commitment to comply. Having people sign a disclosure form that asks for a promise to comply, as an example, can encourage them to police themselves.

Stronger together!

Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant

SMART DEVELOPMENT

Take the Next Step... 

Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability, culture, and employee engagement ? We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. To request an interview with Peter Mclees please contact: 

Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile:323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, wealth management services, real estate services, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth. 

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.

Viktor Frankl and "The Last Human Freedom"

"The first person you lead is yourself."  

                                                                                   

                                     -Epictetus of  Hierapolis  55 to 135 C.E.

Many years ago, a friend and former colleague was going through a difficult divorce. (Is there any other kind?) 

He didn't want to separate from his wife, and he hated being apart from his two young daughters. In the midst of this, he walked into work one day and was suddenly and unceremoniously fired from his job. 

That evening he went home and took his own life. 

It was a terrible shock to everyone who knew him. And a tragic loss, especially for his girls, who were still in grade school. 

I was out of town facilitating a leadership workshop when I received the call delivering the grim news. I felt awful that I hadn't been there to offer some consolation. Although I don't know what, if anything, I could have done to change his mind. I imagine I would have simply listened and maybe offered a few words about Viktor Frankl and "the last human freedom." 

Born in 1905, Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychologist. He was also a Holocaust survivor. 

In 1942, Frankl and his wife and parents were deported to the ghetto of Theresienstadt. From there, he was eventually sent to Turkeheim, a concentration camp not far from Dachau. His wife was shipped to the Bergen-Belson concentration camp, where she died. His mother and father were sent to Auschwitz, where they too were killed. 

After three years, Frankl was liberated by American and Soviet forces in April 1945. He later wrote a world-famous book about his experience, "Man's Search for Meaning." 

In the book, Frankl described the terrible physical and psychological indignities inflicted on him and his fellow inmates in the camps. But he also wrote movingly about a particular form of spiritual heroism--what he called "the last human freedom." 

One day alone in a small room, he became aware of the freedom the Nazi captors could not take away. They could beat him and control his physical environment but there was one thing they could not manage and that was his freedom to decide how he would react to their treatment. With this new belief he became an inspiration to the prisoners and helped others find meaning in their suffering.

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last human freedom--to choose one's own attitude in any given set of circumstances." 

The dignified way these men and women bore their sufferings, was a magnificent inner achievement. Few of us will ever deal with circumstances as brutal as those experienced by Frankl and millions of his fellow Jews at the hands of the Nazi regime. Yet Frankl shows us that the attitude we bring to our problems can be an inspiration to others...and perhaps to ourselves. 

If you're like me, looking back you often discover that the most difficult circumstances added the most meaning. Adversity shows us what really matters. 

Painful as these times are, they shape us--and help us grow as individuals. As Tom Culve said, "a calm sea does not produce a skilled sailor. We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." 

This is not just a matter of thinking positively. Yes, dealing successfully with difficult circumstances is partly about bringing the right attitude to bear. But Frankl also argues that genuine spirituality is not merely the product of right thinking or meditation. It comes from right action. And he offers us a general guideline: "Live as if you were living already for a second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now." Frankl call this emphasis on both attitude and responsibility "the categorical imperative." 

Following it isn't always easy. Occasionally, life hands us circumstances so dire that nothing practical can be (I think of my only brother Dave who died of cancer at the tender age of 46). Sometimes the best we can do is simply play the hand we're dealt. 

Still, it's our choice how we play it. 

As Frankl writes, "We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into triumph, to turn one's predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation...we are challenged to change ourselves."

Click here to read to a related post: Sage Advice From A 2,000 Year Old Slave

To your greater fulfillment!

Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant

SMART DEVELOPMENT

Take the Next Step... 

Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability, culture, and employee engagement ? We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. To request an interview with Peter Mclees please contact: 

Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile:323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, wealth management services, real estate services, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth. 

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.

The Secret of Inspirational Leadership In Tumultuous Times

What would Microsoft have been without Bill Gates? Apple without Steve Jobs. or Virgin without Richard Branson.

On the flip side, 20 years ago WorldCom had the most impressive array of telecommunications assets on the planet. But with Bernie Ebbers at the helm, it didn't matter. He drove the company right into bankruptcy.

Ebbers was sentenced to 25 years at the Oakdale Federal Correctional Complex for orchestrating the biggest corporate fraud in U.S. history. In December 2019, Ebbers was released from Federal Medical Center, Fort Worth due to declining health, having served 13 years of his 25-year sentence. He died in February.

In the business world, physical assets are essential. Patents and trademarks are invaluable. Positive cash flow is wonderful. But, at the very heart of things, every organization is a team of people. And just as a winning sports requires a great coach, every organization needs inspiring leaders at every level. Because if the team isn't rowing in the same direction--the right direction--you won't get far.

I was reminded of this while attending a conference many years ago where the keynote speaker was one of America's all-time great football coaches Lou Holtz.

Holtz is not just a multiple winner of "Coach of the Year" honors. He is the only coach in NCAA history to lead six different programs to bowl games. And the only coach to have four different teams reach final top 20 rankings.



Throughout his career, Holtz earned a reputation for both developing winning teams and quickly rebuilding broken ones. He has written five books on leadership (My personal favorite is "Winning Every Day: The Game Plan for Success"). He claims he is the only man in America who has written more books than he has read.

Don't let him fool you. Lou Holtz is a living example of inspirational leadership. I hadn't intended to take notes, but a minute and a half into his talk I was scouring the table for a coctail napkin.

"Leadership begins with recognizing that everybody need four things," said Holtz, "something to do, someone to love, something to hope for, and something to believe in. Strategic plans don't excite anybody. Dreams excite people...And every employee, every team member, wants to know the same thing: Do you really care about me? Every successful organization shows its people they genuinely matter."

You may not coach a university football team or run a Fortune 500 company. But I bet you're in a position to provide inspirational leadership. How? First, by setting an example. Second, by letting the people around you know how important they are.

In a piece entitled "Godly Work" in an issue of Forbes Magazine, Columnist Rich Karlgaard related a story he was told by Nancy Ortberg, an emergency room nurse who was finishing up work one night before heading home.

"The doctor with whom I was working was debriefing a new doctor, who had done a very respectable, competent job, telling him what he'd done well and what he could have done differently.

Then he put his hand on the your doctor's shoulder and said, "When you finished, did you notice the young man from housekeeping who came in to clean the room?' There was a completely blank look on the young doctor's face."

"The older doctor said, "His name is Carlos. He's been here for three years. He does a fabulous job. When he comes in he gets the room turned around so fast that you and I can get our next patients in quickly. His wife's name is Maria. They have four children.' The he named each of the four children and gave each child's age.





The older doctor went on to say, "He lives in a rented house about three blocks from here in Santa Ana. They've been up from Mexico for about five years. His name is Carlos,' he repeated. Then he said, 'Next week I would like you to tell me something about Carlos that I don't already know. Okay? Now, let's go check on the rest of the patients.'"

Ortberg recalls: " I remember standing there writing my nursing notes--stunned--and thinking, I have just witnessed breathtaking leadership."

Fostering mutual respect among colleagues is perhaps the most important ingredient for building and sustaining a healthy organization. It is people who matter most.

Yes, business will always be about meeting the deadline, closing the deal, finishing the project, and growing the business. But if your work life is nothing more than the single-minded pursuit of wealth, recognition, and accomplishment, you will wake up one day and find that SOMETHING is missing.

That's because true success is not just about achieving your dreams. It's about helping those around you reach theirs, too.

 Click here for a related post: The Crucibles of Leadership

Stronger together!

Peter Mclees, Leadership Coach, Trainer and Performance Consultant

SMART DEVELOPMENT

Take the Next Step... 

Interested in learning how to develop your organization's leadership capability, culture, and employee engagement ? We begin with a collaborative discovery process identifying your unique needs and business issues. To request an interview with Peter Mclees please contact: 

Email: petercmclees@gmail.com  or  Mobile:323-854-1713

Smart Development has an exceptional track record helping service providers, ports, sales teams, restaurants, stores, distribution centers, food production facilities, wealth management services, real estate services, nonprofits, government agencies and other businesses create a strong culture, leadership bench strength, coaching skills and the teamwork necessary for growth. 

Having worked with several companies throughout their growth cycle, we have valuable insights and strategies that would help any late stage startup, small or medium sized company achieve sustained growth and prosperity.