The words you use when coaching send a message that’s stronger than their dictionary meaning. In a coaching situation, stay away from these five unfortunate phrases that can cause defensiveness and resistance:
1. “You have to _____.” The coach’s job is to present options and ideas, not tell the employee what to do. Give suggestions, not orders.
2. “Why can’t you do this right?” Don’t squelch an employee’s self-confidence by focusing on what he or she is doing wrong. Instead say something like, “Let’s see how you could do this a little better.”
3. “This is good, but . . .” Don’t mix praise and criticism. The word “but” can erase everything that came before it. Employees may also start feeling skeptical about anything positive you say, expecting the “but” at any moment. Give clear feedback, positive and negative, so mixed messages don’t confuse your employees.
4. “I’ve told you this before, but _____.” If you have to repeat your advice, chances are there’s a bigger problem than just an employee’s poor memory. Look for other ways to make the same point, and explore obstacles that may be preventing the employee from following your suggestion.
5. “If I were you, I’d ____.” This well-intentioned phrase can backfire if the employee feels you’re being condescending or ignoring his or her experience. Concentrate on the employee’s strengths, not your own.
All the success!
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