"The first person you lead is yourself."
--Epictetus of Hierapolis, 95 AD
Self-awareness is the leadership "super skill" or meta-skill of the twenty-first century. Skills are temporary; meta-skills are permanent higher order capabilities. Learning a second language or how to code constitutes a skill. A meta-skill, on the other hand, is your ability to learn new languages. Once you’ve developed that meta-skill, it becomes easier to learn a third or a fourth tongue.
Why is self-awareness the meta-skill of this age? Because qualities that are most critical for success in today’s world —things like emotional intelligence, empathy, influence, persuasion, communication, and collaboration—all stem from self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves clearly—to understand who we are, how others see us, and how we fit into the world.
Our
self-awareness sets the upper limit for the skills that make us
stronger team players, superior leaders, and better relationship
builders. And here, even small gains in self-awareness can have a big
payoff.
Internal self-awareness has to do with seeing yourself
clearly. It’s an inward understanding of your values, passions,
aspirations, ideal environment, patterns, reactions, and impact on
others.
External self-awareness is about understanding yourself from the outside in—that is, knowing how other people see you.Now, it’s easy to assume that someone who is internally self-aware would also be externally self-aware—that being in touch with our feelings and emotions helps us tune in to how we’re seen. But strangely, research (mine and others’) has often shown no relationship between them—and some studies have even shown an inverse one!
You probably know someone who loves to gaze at their own navel but has precious little understanding of the way they’re coming across. The other side of the coin is also dangerous. Being too fixated on how we appear to others can prevent us from making choices in service of our own happiness and success. The bottom line is that to become truly self-aware, you have to understand yourself and how others see you—and what’s more, the path to get there is very, very different than what most people believe. But if this sounds intimidating or untenable, there is good news. Research has shown that self-awareness is a surprisingly developable skill.
Self-aware
people possess seven distinct types of insight that unaware people
didn’t. They understood their values (the principles that guide them),
passions (what they love to do), aspirations (what they want to
experience and achieve), fit (the environment they require to be happy,
energized, and engaged), patterns (consistent ways of thinking, feeling,
and behaving), reactions (the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that
reveal their strengths and weaknesses), and impact (the effect they have
on others).
The key skill we must develop to read our impact is
perspective-taking, or the ability to imagine what others are thinking
and feeling (this is different from empathy, which involves actually
experiencing others’ emotions).
Let’s pretend that internal and
external self-awareness are hydrogen and oxygen, two of the most
well-known elements on the periodic table. On its own, hydrogen is
dangerous because it spontaneously ignites. (Remember the Hindenburg?)
And though oxygen is not flammable by itself, in excess, it causes many
things to burn more easily. But when you combine hydrogen and oxygen in
the right proportions, the two elements unite to create life-sustaining
water.
Self-awareness is a bit like that: when we couple a clear perspective on ourselves with the ability to abandon that perspective and see ourselves as others do, this magical combination is a powerful force for realizing the next best version of ourselves.
Self-awareness
has a more positive impact on leadership than an MBA. Studies show that
self-awareness encourages us to lead ourselves with authenticity and
integrity — and in turn, better lead others.
Teams with high
self-awareness make better decisions, interact better with each other,
and manage tensions and conflicts more effectively.
The problem
is that self-awareness is a scarce meta-skill. According to
self-awareness expert Dr. Tasha Eurich, 90% of people believe they are
self-aware but only 15% of them actually are. This gap is the base of
most problems in the workplace — blind spots are the elephant in the
room.
Here are some things to can do (or do more frequently) to build your self-awareness muscle and illuminate your blind spots.
5 Tips for Building Self-Awareness
1. Look at yourself objectively.
Trying
to see yourself as you really are can be a very difficult process, but
if you make the right efforts, getting to know your real self can be
extremely rewarding. When you are able to see yourself objectively, you
can learn how to accept yourself and find ways to improve yourself in
the future.
2. Perform daily self-reflection.
In
order to have self-awareness, you must do self-reflection. This
requires setting aside some time, hopefully every day, to honestly look
at yourself as a person and a leader. Committing to this practice can
help you improve.
In our demanding business world, daily
self-reflection is easier said than done. There is always pressure to do
more with less, and an endless flow of information through our portable
technology.
Because it takes time to self-reflect, start by
setting aside just 15 minutes each day. Self-reflection is most
effective when you use a journal and write down your thoughts. It’s also
best to find a quiet place to think.
3. Take personality and psychometric tests.
Take
these personality and psychometric tests to help understand what traits
you have. Some popular tests that are aimed at increasing
self-awareness include the Myers-Briggs test and the Predictive Index.
There
are no right or wrong answers to these tests. Instead, they compel
respondents to think about a set of traits or characteristics that
closely describe them relative to other people.
4. Ask trusted friends to describe you.
How
are we supposed to know what other people think of us? We have to
listen to the feedback of our peers and mentors, and let them play the
role of an honest mirror. Tell your friends when you are looking for
open, honest, critical, and objective perspectives. Allow your friends
to feel safe while they are giving you an informal yet honest view.
Make
sure your friends know that they are doing this to help you, not to
hurt you. Also, feel free to ask questions of your friends about topics
they bring up if you feel like you need some more clarity to completely
understand.
You can also ask friends to bring it to your
attention when you are doing something that you know you want to change.
For example, if you know you tend to “one-up” people when they are
telling stories, have your friends discreetly let you know that is
happening so you can learn to stop.
Ask your friends to give you an honest evaluation of what they think about you. | Image of spending time with friends Ask trusted friends to describe you. Allow your friends to feel safe while they are giving you an informal yet honest view.
5. Ask for feedback at work.
In
addition to consulting friends and family, use a more formal process at
work to get some feedback. If your company does not provide a
structured way to do this, try to implement one. Provided it is
constructive and well done, having an option for formalized feedback
allows us to self-reflect on our own strengths and development
opportunities.
To have an effective formal feedback system at
work, you need a proper process and an effective manager. Once the
feedback process is finished, it is important to reflect on it by
writing down your main takeaways. Write down any surprising strengths
and opportunities that you did not realize you had before.
Building
the necessary habits to help you become more self-aware will help you
thrive as a person and by extension a leader in the 21st Century.
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