Pay attention to what people need, not what you need to say.
There are so many reasons why communication
fails, but here's one you might have overlooked: When you aren't considerate of
the recipient's needs, your message is likely to be missed.
I was reminded of this as I read Alexander
McCall Smith's novel, The Sunday Philosophy Club. The novel is set in
Edinburgh, Scotland, and features as its main character a woman named Isabel
Dalhousie, who edits a philosophy journal.
Isabel, a philosopher, thinks deeply about
many issues. Here are her musings about manners inspired by the actions of a
character named Toby.
Toby "had bad manners; not on the surface, where he thought, quite
wrongly, that it counted, but underneath, in this attitude to others. Good
manners depended on paying moral attention to others; it required one to treat
them with complete moral seriousness, to understand their feelings and their
needs. Some people, the selfish, had no inclination to do this, and it always
showed. They were impatient with those whom they thought did not count: the
old, the inarticulate, the disadvantaged. The person with good manners,
however, would always listen to such people and treat them with respect."
In short, manners matter, especially when
it comes to communication. This lack of respect (or dearth of matters) can take
many forms, including:
- Not getting to the point. You're tempted to share
the whole history of your project, but most people want you to cut to the
chase (of how your topic affects them).
- Using terms and words that are difficult to
understand.
- Assuming people have been paying close attention all
along; not providing context.
- Choosing a communication channel because it's
convenient for you (email, I'm looking at you), even if it doesn't work
for the audience.
- Responding to questions as if the questions are
"dumb" or annoying.
I could go on, but you get the idea: If we
don't respect the people we're communicating with, why should they bother to
pay attention?
All the success,
Peter Mclees, Principal
petercmclees@gmail.com
Mobile: 323-854-1713
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